"We are who we pretend to be..." - Kurt Vonnegut

It is often misunderstood in our western culture that saying or doing anything that is not exactly true to what you are immediately feeling and thinking is hypocritical. We prize frankness and even brutal honesty and justify it with, "Well, it's the truth!"

When I was approximately 4 years old I was with my mother at a bus stop. Waiting there with us was a heavyset woman. For some reason, which I cannot recall, I was inspired to speak up and say to this stranger, "You know, you are fat". My mother - horrified and embarrassed -  tried to stammer out an apology. The poor woman, however, handled it gracefully and said, "Yes, I know. I'm a nurse" (to this day I cannot understand her motivation for volunteering that extra bit of information). I instantly responded, "Well then, you should know better". My mother, now an intense shade of red, had her mouth opening and closing as she tried to think of some thing to say to repair the damage and could think of nothing. I will always remember the woman's response to me in her final remark: "Well, maybe I should, but you're a very rude little girl and you should know better." I was stung to the core! I was rude?! How could that be? I was merely speaking the truth!! 

Speaking something simply because it is the truth is not always going to ensure that you are in the right. It is not always necessary to speak up, especially when stating the obvious (as evidenced above). Not saying everything that is on our minds is not hypocritical. In fact, it should be emphasized. When an emotion or thought has flitted into our silly human head it does not need to fall just as suddenly out of our mouths. 

Maintaining relationships (not merely of the romantic nature - any sort of human interaction) requires awareness of other's feelings and thoughts. We always attempt to portray our 'best' self when we are attempting to impress someone or to those we have just met. At work we portray our 'professional' self. In each setting it may be necessary to filter and define the self that we present. I do no see that this is hypocritical. It is however, something that is largely unknown in our society these days - practicing self-control. Are we not multi-faceted? The many facets of a diamond do not make it less a diamond, they simply display it to it's best advantage. That is what we must also do in life with our own presentation by practicing self-control.. 

Kurt Vonnegut, in his book Mother Night, is often quoted, "We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be". We are the culmination of what we portray.

If we strive to appear to be as we wish to be, so we will become.